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11.18.2010

Why I Blog. And Why I Sometimes Don't.

Some of you know me. Okay, who am I kidding, most of the people who read this blog are related to me:) And those of you who know me know that I like to give advice. I am a control freak, and I have come to this conclusion after much reflection on WHY I can not seem to restrain the desire to give advice; I give advice because it is a control freak's way of expressing love and caring. So if I'm giving you advice, it is simply my messed up way of saying "I care about you." My blog is an extension of this. I have a lot of ideas and flagging motivation to follow through on most of them, but the one thing I do know is that I want to make a difference. Right now, being limited by the demands of staying home with my young children and my lack of direction, writing a blog about something I feel strongly about (and know a fair amount about) is one way I can feel like I'm making a difference- even if I only help one or two women.

But I have to admit that I get easily frustrated. Some of my posts take a lot of time to research and write, and I know my readership isn't huge. I let that get to me (I know, I shouldn't). I often wonder "why am I doing all of this work if no one is going to read it." I know, lame insecurity. I also get frustrated when I try to reach out to someone and they brush me off. I even get frustrated when I see moms out and about, moms I don't even know, hauling their baby around in the accursed baby bucket, using a Baby Bjorn or Snuglie type carrier, using negative language with their children, or feeding their children unhealthy foods. I know I shouldn't let the lack of knowledge of every mother I come across bother me, but I do. It gets me down and I loose motivation to try.

I'm trying to overcome these insecurities, though. I can't have a big readership unless I do overcome and keep writing. And I need to write just for the sake of writing, because I like to and I like finding new information to write about. But that is not all that will get me to keep writing. It is also those around me who inspire me by choosing not to stick to the status quo (no no no!... okay, I'm probably the only one who watches entirely too much Disney Channel and gets that...). It is Mandi, who I wrote about in my last post. It is Heidi, my old babysitter who bucked the norm (in Nebraska, of all places) and had a midwife assisted home birth. It is my sister's friend (whose name I don't even know!) who is taking an active role in her pregnancy and birth and choosing to take Bradley classes despite a total lack of support from her family (thus inspiring my NEXT post). It is my network of friends back in Cali who are breastfeeding well past their child's first birthday. It is Amber, who introduced me to the world of natural baby care and baby wearing. It's the blogs that I follow- PHD in Parenting, Zrecs, and Simple Mom among others. It's Mandy, a childhood friend of mine who keeps flattering me by asking me questions about baby products. Right now, with the spirit of Thanksgiving in mind, that is what I am thankful for. The people who inspire me to keep going.

3 comments:

Kendra said...

I think you touch more lives than you know. You do great things by providing people with all of this knowlege, and I know I'm storing it away for when I become a mom someday. :)

Annie @ PhD in Parenting said...

Thank you for the beautiful post. :)

Brandislee said...

I know, I was just having an insecure moment, I'm kind of over it:) I always forget about the "stats" page on blogger that shows you the number of page views you get, and base the reading of my blog on followers and comments. But I had 600+ page views in September when I was posting regularly. I would like to hope that I was able to help or enlighten at least a few of those readers.

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